All You Wanted to Know and More
by Stallions and Dragons
Summary: RATED FOR: EXTREEEME CRUDE HUMOR! So you think you know that much about what goes on at Duel Academy? Sure you try to make up what happens in between Jaden's impresive feats. JADEN AND SYRUS FANS ARE WARNED! [Must have a freakish sense of humor]
1. Your Intro

_So you really know about what goes on at Duel Academy? Suuuuure you do. I'm not talking about those phenomenal events that occur when you watch TV. I'm taking you to Duel Academy off the big screen and Cartoon Network and into a whole new perspective that even the creator of Yu-Gi-Oh himself has never seen..._

Chazz Princeton slouched in the seat of his desk. He tried to block out the boring speech that Dr. Crowler was giving about some weird fashion tips, which had nothing to do with the lesson which was entirely boring, the class name would stick in your head like a Christmas carrol and you couldn't help but repeating it to yourself. Chazz looked at the other side of the room. Zane Truesdale was making confetti out of his erasers and sprinkling them on his desk and blowing them into his brother's face. Syrus, infact, was laughing like a constipated donkey and saying "Stop, you idiot!" between hiccups of laughter.

"Stop laughing, it sounds so gay, when you laugh dude!" said Zane.

"So what do you care if I start laughing?" asked Syrus.

"I don't want people to think I'm influencing you!" Zane whispered loudly.

"Hyuuu huuuuh haaaaahhaaah HAAAAAAAA!" Syrus laughed, his face turning beat red.

"STOP BEING GAY!" Zane commanded trying to clamp Syrus' jaws shut with his hands.

"Yeah, Syrus!" said Jaden Yuki who was also laughing.

"Shut up!" said Chazz.

"_You!"_ said Jaden (don't try that one, that's the SUCKIEST comeback you can give to someone)

"Your _mama_!" said Chazz. (that'll get'em). Jaden stopped laughing and turned to his notes, He looked very interested in the fashion tips.

"Thank, the _LORD_, that Dr. Crowler is a queer! His rantings'll distract those Slyfer Slackers while I read a _straight_ man's book!" said Chazz to himself and he got out a PSM magazine and began to flip through the pages quietly.

"_PSSSSSST_!" a voice hissed/spit in Chazz's ear.

"What in the _freakin' tarnations_ do you want?" demanded Chazz.

"_Raaaaaeeeer_!" Jaden Yuki protested.

"Be quiet, that's the queerest response I've ever heard. Start acting straight and everyone will like you more!" said Chazz shooing Jaden's face away with his hand. The bell finally rang. Lunch time. At last. Chazz's stomach could take no longer, he jumped out of his seat and cried. "_WHUAAAT! WHUAAAAT_!"

Zane followed him as Chazz bolted to the door to the cafeteria. Luckily, they were first and got their food and sat down.

"You know, what, I kinda like your 'what' 'what', it's like pimpin' Ya'll. I think it should be your new word!" said Zane taking a bite of his sub.

"Zane, THAT'S THE MOST RETARDED THING I'VE EVER HEARD YOU SAY! Do you even know what 'pimpin' means?" asked Chazz.

"No, no, it's not what your thinking, I'm talking about the _American_ way of saying it!" corrected Zane.

"Oh, _reeaally_." Chazz said rolling his eyes. "Your a hopeless cause, Zane."

"I'm not THAT stupid Chazz!" said Zane.

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are!"

"Shut up!"

"YOUR MAMA!"

"_Raaaaeeeer!"_ said Zane.

"Ugh! That 'raaeer' thing is way out, Dude." said Chazz.

"Your just saying that cuz' Jaden says it!" said Zane.

"So what if he does, at least, unlike Jaden, I like hot _GIRLS_!" said Chazz.

"What are you saying Jaden's a gay guy?" asked Zane.

"Duh, you saw him on the first day, the way he sat soo close to Syrus. Chumley said they were like makin' out in the dorm when Banner wasn't looking, last he checked.

"Oh, my God! I can't believe, my brother did that!" said Zane.

"Yeah, you need to teach him to keep his mind on his school work and not on those boys, Zane." said Chazz with a sneer. They both burst out laughing.

"Yo, Chazz!" Alexis Rhodes called and slammed her tray on the lunch table.

"Holy crap, Alexis!" said Zane, "Don't try to kill the table!"

"Ugh...what are you looking at, Zane?" asked Alexis.

"Your face...," said Zane.

"Your mama!" said Alexis taking a bite of her salad.

"Oh, so _thaaaat's_ where you got it from Chazz, you liar!" said Zane.

"No...," Chazz said.

"Actually, I got it from him, but he told me he got it from his brothers." said Alexis.

"What do your brothers do anyway!" demanded Zane, "You like don't talk about them."

"Stupid stuff." muttered Chazz.

"Like what?" asked Alexis. "I can tell this is going to be hilarious!"

"Well, my oldest brother smokes and plays video games and my second one, all he does is lock himself in his room and watch _Family Guy_ DVDs all day." said Chazz.

"Does he let you watch them with him?" asked Alexis.

"No, he's weird about that...," said Chazz.

"So does your older brother smoke pot?" asked Zane.

"Oh my gosh, Zane! - "RETARD!" Alexis and Chazz exclaimed at the same time while bursting out with laughter.

"THINK! WOULD MY BROTHER ME SMOKING POT AND BEING A POLTICAL LEADER AT THE SAME TIME?" Chazz demanded. "What goes on in your head? Maybe it's really Syrus, that's influencing you! OH MY GOSH!"

"I don't know, maybe he does!" said Zane.

"Zane, honey, no, don't do that." said Alexis. "Everyone's going to think you're weird."

"I'm outta here!" said Chazz leaving the table still laughing, Alexis followed suit and left Zane alone.

"Gosh, I just wanted to know," said Zane taking another bite of his sandwich. "_Raaaeer_!"

_What do you think? Feel light-head, nautious, shakey, confused, or did you burst out laughing at every phrase? Goooood that's how your supposed to feel. But the worse part about all of this is that...there's more...MUAHAHAHAHAHA!_


	2. Art

Making choices for electives was fairly easy and you always went to them after lunch. These classes were were highly entertaining and somewhat stupid in a way. If you took band you had to march around the football feild like an idiot, playing your stupid instruments while the tennis team stared and laughed at you. If you took drama you had to play in the "Once Upon a Mattress" play and either be the boy in the tower that screamed a lot or the bratty princess that had an obsessive complusive disorder. In chorus you had to sing Christmas songs and say weird phrases really fast like "mama made me mush my m&ms." Or if you were lucky you got to go to fancy duel tournaments in Charleston, South Carolina, but that was only if you were a third year and in Obelisk Blue. But if you were one of the many kids who wanted to stay away from all the embarrassing activities that Duel Academy provided, than you would take art class...the most fun of them all. (Well I sure don't wanna scream and throw gravel at people or sing "O Christmas Tree" every second of my life!) 

"Hey Bastion! Sing that song you like!" said Chazz in art as he tried to draw Zane's face on the sheet of paper in front of him.

"Okay!" said Bastion. "BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! BILL, BILL, BILL, BILL, BILL!"

"Noooo, Bastion, sing the other song!" said Chazz smiling evily.

"Oh, that song!" Bastion corrected himself. "BILL NYE THE SEXY GUY! Mmmm...BILL, BILL, BILL, BILL!" Bastion sang and very time he said "Bill" he slapped his butt. The classroom burst out laughing.

"SHAKE IT BASTION YOU SEXY THANG!" exclaimed Jaden. Everything got really quiet.

Chumley whispered in Chazz's ear. "He's even worse back at the dorm. He humps _AIR_!" Chazz snorted loudly and you know when someone does that, you're like, dying to know what's so funny.

"Chazz! I'm _dying_ to know what's so funny!" exclaimed Jasmine.

"You don't wanna know...," said Chazz looking at Chumley. "Trust me you don't!"

"Come on!" Alexis begged. "I'll be your girl friend!" Alexis raised her eye brows up and down.

"Umm, Alexis...," Chumley said smiling weakly, "It'll gross you out!"

"Shut up Chumley, you probably don't know what Chazz is talking about!" said Jasmine. Jaden sat astride a chair and pretended like he was riding a horse, but the scene looked worse than you'd might expect.

"THE DUDE HUMPS..._things_!" Chazz said pointing to Jaden.

"Ugh...Jaden, STOP! That's sick!" said Zane.

"What's sick, does it look like I'm throwing up or something?" asked Jaden.

"No it's...what your doing...it's...," Alexis tried to say.

"What?" demanded Jaden.

"**LOOK WHAT YOUR DOING**!" said Chumley.

"WHAAAT!"

Dr. Crowler and Professor Banner was lucky enough to overhear. "BOYS WHAT IS GOING ON!"

"It's Jaden!" said Zane.

"What is Jaden doing that's making such a commotion?" asked Banner.

"Dr. Crowler and Professor Banner, while us _NORMAL_ students were trying to _ENJOY_ ourselves with our artwork and Jaden Yuki's over here making out with freakin' chair!" said Chazz.

"Pharoah! Sheild your eyes!" exclaimed Banner putting his hands on his cat's face.

"What is it Professor?" asked Jaden still pretending he was riding a horse.

"Jaden you know that there are NO sexual themes allowed to be performed on school premisis! I don't know what's gotten into you?"

"SEXUAL THEMES?" said Jaden.

"He means, quit humpin' the chair, Kid!" Dr. Crowler muttered in Jaden's ear.

"Um, Professor Banner, what makes you think I'm doing this so called 'humping'?" asked Jaden.

"TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!" Banner screamed like a girl and began running out the door. Pharoah mewed curiosly. Crowler rolled his eyes and simply said.

"Detention, Jaden! After Art! For making Banner scream like a girl and put me in a bad mood."

After both teachers left Jaden still felt curious.

"Gee, that Crowler is something!" said Jaden. "He knows how to lay the law on you for no reason!"

"That's the staff at Duel Academy for you!" said Bastion.

"Anyway, Zane you've been here a long time, what were the teachers like when you first came?" asked Chazz making Zane's face as big as possible on his paper and putting a green snot bubble coming out of his nose. Chazz sneered and chuckled evily while Chumley was nearly dying from trying not to burst out laughing.

"Make sure his face takes up the _WHOOOLE_ page now, Chazz," Chumley sniggered.

"Well, back when, when the school was new, me and John Love Jr., his daddy was a German, see..." Zane said.

"Just get to the dueling!" said Chazz.

"Well, we used to... used to duel all the time, but we didn't have fancy duel disks, we had to use...DUEL MATS AND CALCULATORS!" said Zane, his eyes widening. The class gasped and Syrus fainted, with his head resting dramatically over his forehead.

"Oh, my gosh...I feel so sorry for you." Alexis said, near tears.

"Yes, it was bad times, boys, bad times, but we made it through all right...well then I had to cut out my own appendix to help me win a duel...," Zane said solemly hanging his head.

"Really?" asked Jaden. "Can I...can I see the scars?"

"EWWWW NOOOO!" said Zane. "Are you perverted or something!"

"What's a pervert?" asked some random Ra Yellow.

"It's what you are RYAN!" said Bastion.

"You don't even know what that is Bastion!" said Chumley.

"Yes I do!" said Bastion.

"Then tell me what it is then!"

"...At a more _approriate_ time..." a sweat drop ran down the back of Bastion's neck.

"Pu-lease people, get over it! Anyway, the teachers were worse! They would do...role call...and make you sing 'Good Morning To You' and say the...the... PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE!" said Zane.

"I think your talking about Pre-School...," said Jaden.

"SHUT UP!" the class exclaimed to Jaden.

"And the teacher's were...," Chazz said, adding a nose piercing, buck teeth, and an afro to his drawing.

"Well, before we had Professor Snape as our dorm leader for Obelisk...now look what monster replaced him...," Zane muttered. The class giggled.

"Well class, it's time for me to examine your hard work!" said the Art teacher.

Chazz and Chumley were trying to keep from laughing too hard and their faces looked like they had been sunburnt. Chazz quickly added a few accesories to Zane's face.

"Alright, now let's look at Chazz's drawing first, see how...oh dear Lord...," the art teacher said rolling her eyes as she looked at the drawing. Zane's face was huge and it made him look fat. He had nose, eye, and ear peircings and a snot bubble came out of his nose. His eyes were big girly eyes with four little eye lashes (like Spongebob's eyes) and he had an enormous blue afro, buck teeth with braces, and a caption that said "Dueling makes me high."

Chazz couldn't contain his outburst. "PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The class joined in. Alexis had her face buried in the table and banging her fist on the table. Chazz was down on his hand and knees and laughing so hard, he had to stop to vomit. Bastion was leaning up against Syrus and trying to support himself but they both ended rolling over laughing.

Zane was shaking from anger and growling but what enraged him the most was what Jaden said. "Hey, Zane, that picture makes you look pretty sexy!"

"AAAAAARGHHHHHHHH CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZ PRIIIIIIINNNNNCTOOOOON!"

_to be continued..._


	3. Weirdos of the Night

_Night time can be peaceful for most people at Duel Academy, but also a wild party if you have weird friends. Before "lights out", the students get to have a chance to visit eachother in their rooms etc. and talk over stuff or study before going to bed. (Well at least that's what they expect you to do...if you know what I mean)_

**SLIFER DORM**

"Watcha gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?" asked Professor Banner at the Slifer dorm as Jaden was unpacking. The boy was removing tons of scraps of paper and misc. stuff from his large red trunk. It was about night time after dinner, Chumley was already asleep and Syrus was extremely hyper from all the soda that he had had and was making weird . Jaden seemed to share the same hyperness and was still thinking about the rap music that Chazz was playing on his sterio at dinner.

"_I'm gonna git you drunk! Get you love drunk off my hump_!" sang Jaden. Professor Banner looked extremely confused and slightly offended.

"_Okaaaaaay_...," Banner walked quickly out of the room.

Jaden was still humming the song "My Humps" as he put on his pajamas and sat on his bunk. "..._they treat me really nicely, they give me all these ices_...," Jaden stopped singing and decided to talk to Syrus. "Yo' Sy', why does Chazz get the Obelisk dorm and we don't?" he asked.

"I don't know, I heard his lowest grade was a 99.5 and his GPA was 4.9999, and his I.Q. is genius." said Syrus.

"So what?" asked Jaden, "He's practically retarded! He's not smart enough to get into Obelisk!"

"What's your IQ?" asked Syrus.

"I scored a wopping 70.5 and I'm ADHD on top of it!" said Jaden triumphantly.

"Whoa, and I thought, I was smart." said Syrus. "So, Jaden, do you like anyone here, so far?" he asked, changing the subject randomly.

"Yeah, you and Chumley and Zane and Bastion." said Jaden.

"Eeewwww...no, not that kind of like, I mean _LIKE_ kinda like." said Syrus.

"That's what I'm saying!" said Jaden. "Can you get more retarded?"

"Gee, Jaden, I guess that's why we're in the same dorm!" said Syrus with a big hint of sarcasm.

"Your mama's in the same dorm!" said Jaden.

"Stop talking like Chazz, it get's annoying!" said Syrus.

"I'm not, Chazz has a Southern accent and mine's Midwest!" said Jaden.

"Oh, please...," said Syrus said rolling his eyes.

**RA DORM**

"Bastion? Did you just fart?" asked Kohara.

"You farted on your mama!" said Bastion.

"_Sheesh_...," said Kohara.

The Ra Yellow dorm was quiet all except for Bastion who was making fun of everyone he could.

"Kohara, your such a fart!" said Bastion.

"Go fart on yourself!" said Ohara, defending Kohara.

"Go fart on your mama!" said Bastion flicking an eraser across the room.

"So, Bast, what do you think about that phsyco kid?" asked a random person.

"Ryan your so retarded!" said Bastion. "What in the _bloody_ world are talking about!"

"You know, that phsyco kid from Slifer, what was his name again? Judai?" asked the random person.

"It's _Jaden_, you moran! Not _Judai_! Where did you come up with that name? Some Japanese anime show or something?" asked Bastion.

"What's anime?"

"It's stuff like _Pokemon_ and all those other weird shows." said Bastion.

"Oh."

"Well, I think Jaden isn't quite that phsyco, although he is very weird, he's rather annoying, really." said Bastion.

"Like how?" asked Kohara.

"Like your mama!" said Ohara.

"Shut up, idiot!" said Kohara, "So...,"

"So, I'm not really his friend. He just drives me NUTS with that hunky dory attitude and how he tries to be funny." said Bastion.

"Doesn't he like Alexis?" asked Demeitri.

"Nooooo, everyone can see he's in love with Syrus." said Bastion.

"That's totally phsyco!" said the random voice.

"Your phsyco, Ryan!" the entire dorm said in unison.

**OBELISK DORM**

Zane Trusedale sat on his bed and looked at a picture of his brother. "_Syrus', got me spendin'..._," he mummbled, like, Jaden, that rediculous song was stuck in his head. He had opened the window to let in some air while he decided to unpack his stuff. Zane took the photo, took a peice of gun out of his mouth, put it on the picture, wadded it up and chunked it the garbage can.

"TOUCHDOWN!" Zane yelled.

"My gosh, Zane!" said Chazz.

"What do you want?" demanded Zane.

"Your mama!" exclaimed Chazz. There was a moment of silence. "Heh, I guess I went too far that time...," A sweat drop ran down the back of his head.

"_Hunky dory...,"_ Zane said through gritted teeth.

"So...Big Z...I just thought I'd come harass you since all the other dudes are asleep." said Chazz.

"Well, what do you wanna talk about?" asked Zane, he stood up and you could now see his pajamas. Zane wore black pants and a black shirt that had the _Bass Pro Shops_ slogan on it. Chazz's pajama's were also bizarre. He had blue pants with a white T-shirt that said "GIT R DUN" on it.

"What can you do at night?" asked Chazz. "I'm so bored!"

"You can get on your bed, lay your head on the pillow, close your eyes, and exhale and inhale slowly." said Zane.

"Oh, I thought you were going to tell me to go to sleep." said Chazz.

"That's also an option." said Zane.

Chazz yawned. "Well, I wanna be an all-nighter and stay up as long as I can!"

"What do you do?" asked Zane.

"You ask the most retarded questions, Zane!" said Chazz. "You don't close your eyes and you play your PSP and talk about private stuff."

"Private stuff, eh?" asked Zane. "Like what?"

"Like who we like and that kinda stuff." Chazz sneered at Zane. "So Zane, _who do you like?"_

Zane shrugged, "I don't know, all the Obelisk girls are hot it's a hard decsision. Who do you like?"

"Well, I think Alexis Rhodes is totally sexy!" said Chazz.

"Snap! That's the one I like!" said Zane.

"Too late, she's already mine!" said Chazz haughtily.

"Oh, yeah, well, I actually _kissed _her one time!" Zane said. "Beat that!"

"When?" asked Chazz, lowering his voice once more into a whisper.

"On the dock, it was this morning." said Zane.

"You KISSED Alexis Rhodes?" asked Chazz with disbelief in his voice.

"Yes, I actually, I swear KISSED Alexis Rhodes," he said.

"NO YOU DIDN'T, ZANE!" a voice called out of nowhere.

_That sounded like my brother._ Zane thought.

Chazz and Zane whirled around and faced the open window. There, sitting on a tree branch, was Jaden Yuki and Syrus Truesdale.

"SYRUS! GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF HERE!" Zane roared.

"We're talking about _private stuff_ here!" said Chazz.

Jaden laughed. His laugh sounded more like a constipated donkey choking on a laxative. "I can't believe you guys actually _love_ Alexis!" said Jaden.

"So what? You like Syrus!" said Chazz.

"Whatever! let's get outta here, Sy'!" said Jaden and lifted Syrus by his waist.

"Put me down, you faggit!" screamed Syrus. "Zane, help me!"

Zane and Chazz snorted with laughter. "Slifers are so perverted."


	4. Good Morning, Duel Academy!

Not many people are a fan of mornings. It doesn't matter what time it is or what activities you've planned for the day, no one likes to open their eyes or get out of their warm beds. For those who have sang along to the popular Green Day song, "Wake Me Up When September Ends" may wanna take the title of that song literally. Especially if you're one of those wretched, unlucky kids whose parents forced to go to Duel Academy (it was rumored that dueling improves one's orthodontics). 

**SLIFER DORM**

"RISE IN SHINE MY BOOTYLICIOUS FRIENDS!" cried Jaden startling all who had been sleeping peacefully in their beds. Syrus reached for his glasses and sat up. Chumley also woke, mummbling something along the lines of "I'm not a Neopet!"

"But Jaden, we don't have to wake up in another three hours!" said Syrus looking at a clock in the dorm that told him it was 5:00.

"I don't care, that gives me plenty of time to do practice my gymnastics!" said Jaden. The boy sat in the middle of the floor, lifted his leg, and put it behind his head. "SPLEEEEE!" he exclaimed and began rolling around and making sounds like a pregnant cow in labor with broncchitis (SP). The noise was enough to make one wish to be in another school.

"What the freak are you doing?" demanded Chumley.

"I'm doing an exercise, it strengthens my buttock muscles." said Jaden.

"It looks and sounds more like your trying to give birth to a baby water buffalo." said Syrus.

"You have a very odd perspective of things, Sy'." said Jaden. "I' m just going to love being in your dorm, your so weird!"

Syrus got chills and felt like he was going to vomit. He longed to go back to bed. He hadn't gotten enough sleep last night because Jaden had made him sneak into his brother's dorm which was the sickest thing he had ever done. Then at night, Jaden would wake up Syrus only to announce that he had farted. (And he was woken up quite a few times.)

"So what are we going to do to day, Chum? Best buddy!" asked Jaden.

"Umm...well...stuff. Slifers have Physical Ed. for first period." said Chumley. "Then second period is Double Potions with the Slytherins at Snape's Dungeons...,"

"Wrong schedule, Chumley," said Syrus. "That's last year's schedule, this year we have Crowler."

"Oh, snap! I hate Crowler!" said Chumley, angrily throwing down the old schedule.

"Do you mean you loved Snape?" asked Jaden.

"No, you nimrod! I just hate having our schedules changed every freakin' year!" he said.

"Where did he go to anyway?" asked Syrus.

"I don't know this school called Hog-warts." said Chumley.

"Oh, Zane told me about them! The kids are weird! They duel with sticks instead of cards!" said Syrus.

"That's _dumb_!" said Jaden. "So what's are real sched.?"

"Beats me!" said Chumley. "I guess we find out at breakfast."

"So? Do we go or not?" asked Jaden getting up and walking out.

Syrus sighed noisily. "Well, let's just say everyone is going to be late. Three hours to be exact."

**RA DORM** _**(three hours later)**_

The Ra dorm was peacefull as the sun glinted through the windows and they opened their eyes to face a whole new day. Well...someone had to go and ruin it!

"Alright someone really farted in here!" Kogurazaka (I'm calling him Kogu) announced waking every single person up. "I know you did it Bastion! You keep denying it but you did it! I heard that disgusting sound! I smelled that horrible stench! I..."

"Shut your fat, saggy butt!" Bastion said.

"Hey that's my line!" said Kohara glaring at Ohara, apparantly they had been having a quarrel.

"See, your denying it again!" exclaimed Kogu.

"Ah, go fart on yourself!" said a random voice.

"Shut up, Ryan!" chorused the dorm.

"So, what's our sched.?" asked Kogu to Bastion.

"How am I supposed to know? Do I look like a teacher to you?" asked Bastion flicking Kogu in the head.

"Gosh, man, you really know how to be a hole!" said Kogu.

"You were a hole to begin with!" said Bastion.

"Your mama!" said Kogu.

"_OOoooooohhhhhh..._BUSTED!" said Ohara.

"Shut up, your mama's the same as his mama!" said Kogu.

"You know you got that from _Napolean Dynamite_, Kogurazaka!" said Bastion. "That's so stupid!"

"Nope!" said Kogu with a smug look on his face.

"Then where did you get it from?" he demanded.

"Your mama."

**OBELISK DORM** **_(also three hours later)_**

Mornings were very odd for Obelisk for one reason. Zane Truesdale had one of those stupid alarm clocks that played music when you woke up in the morning. However, Zane wasn't one of those nerdy kids that listened to classical music or Enya to start the day. Does that sum it up for you?

"_I'M SOOOO CAUGHT UP. GOT ME FEELIN' IT! CAUGHT UP! I'M LOOSIN' CONTROL, THIS GIRL'S GOTTA HOLD ON ME_!" Zane's radio blared making the entire dorm vibrate. That wonderful song by Usher woke every single person up in the dorm. Zane swore violently and hastily tried to turn the volume down.

Sadley, the volume switch was stuck. Zane continued to swear under his breath and try to turn the music off. Already kids were screaming "TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!" and banging on Zane's door.

And Zane was bellowing. "I CAN'T, I CAN'T!" Over Usher's voice. Zane growled and threw the radio across the room. The volume switch became unlocked, but it switched on louder. The girls in their dorm were screaming like banshees and Chazz and his gang were trying to kick down Zane's door. Dr. Crowler almost had a heart attack and Chancellor Shepard was dancing around in his pajamas to the music.

Zane finally wrestled the alarm clock to the ground and slammed the off switch down. All was silent. There was nothing but the vibrating of the floor and the ringing in Zane's ears. He looked up and noticed that the windows were busted open. He groaned, knowing he would be having a few visitors before they got it fixed. Zane began panting, his head was pounding and he felt nautious. Suddenly his door flew off its hinges.

Chazz walked in shaking with rage. He threw Zane to the ground and kicked him in the...well you know...

Zane howled in pain and fell back on his bed. "Holy _FREAKIN' _CRAP!" he exclaimed. "WATCHA DO THAT FOR!" he demanded through gritted teeth.

"I WOKE UP TO HEAR USHER! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I DESPISE USHER!" Chazz said weilding his fists.

"_WHAAAT!"_ Zane demanded. He had never been so angry (or in so much pain) in his life.

"You knew and you just had to turn your alarm clock all the way to MAX volume so that you could put me in a bad mood today? Now that song's going to be in my head all day! And it's all you're fault!" Chazz snarled.

"You're mad, because of Usher?" asked Zane.

"Nah! I just always wanted to knock your door down and kick you in the balls!" said Chazz. "Haha! Fooled you didn't I?"

"_Hunky dory...,"_ Zane mummbled.

"So, why did you wake up everybody in the dorm?" asked Chazz casually.

"I didn't mean to! I didn't know it would be like that! Syrus packed my alarm clock, he must have...," Zane paused and clenched his fists and began stomping out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Chazz asked.

"To kill my brother." growled Zane.

"Oh, good luck with that! And, bring me a Pop-Tart from the Slifer Dorm will ya'?" asked Chazz plopping on Zane's bed and took out a picture of Alexis. "_I'm soooo caught up...I'm sooo caught up...I'm loosin' control, this girl's gotta hold on me..._," he sang softly.

_Well, so didn't think morning's were like that? No? It's weird and stupid, you say? Well, SO IS YOUR MAMA! That's just how it goes boys and girls. FACE THE FACTS!_


	5. 1st Period: Math

_First period is the class where everyone goes to sleep at. Number one, it's the class you take just a few hours before you just got up and it just has to be that one class where you forgot your homework assignment and now you have something to stress over. Well if school was about fun and games then their would be no reason to go there and we'd all be asking "May I take your order?" . But since this is a dueling school, this seem more fun then they really are, so this is how things really go. (This chapter, in my opinion is more random than funny, so you can skip it if you want.)_

**MATH**

(Why the heck would you need math when dueling you ask? Even Joey Wheeler knows that!)

"I hate math!" said Chumley slamming his books on his desk

"I hate you!" said Bastion.

"I hate your mama!" said Alexis.

After their friendly introduction, the students slouched in their desks and took out a Mooshi pillow and fell asleep. The math teacher, as you all know, is not a Drill Seargent (sp), and will keep talking about the same things, often repeating the same phrases, and not caring what his/her students do.

"Hey, Zane, got your sketch pad?" asked Chazz drowsily.

"Yep." Zane said taking out his sketch pad and pencils. If you wanted to keep entertained, you must do something!

"What are you going to draw?" asked Chumley.

"I think I'm going to draw Gandalf the Grey, this time." said Zane.

"No, no, draw Elrond! Draw Elrond!" Chumley encouraged.

"Clad in what?" asked Zane.

"In his battle armor and riding a horse." said Chumley.

"I can't draw Elven armor!" said Zane.

"Well, just draw him!" said Chumley.

"Whatever...," Zane quickly began drawing while Chumley was gazing in awe.

Chazz was too bored to play all the electronics he had stuffed in his bookbag, so he decided to see what the Psyco Slifers (Jaden and Syrus), were doing. He felt like having a good laugh today. But instead it was Bastion, the offical class clown (what do you know? in math class), who was causing all the laughs today.

The Ra was making the girls giggle hysterically. He was making the weird noises Jaden always made and showing them how he ate his spagetti. Then he sang "I've Been Working On the Railroad" in the Syrus version (which the lyric changes are extremely pathetic, it's just the way he sings it, that's funny). And then he whispered something about his math homework that made them nearly die from laughing.

"Misawa." Chazz said, catching Bastion's attention. "What are you doing?"

"Why do you care?" asked Bastion.

"Umm...looks more like you're flirting with _OUR _girls!" said Chazz.

"What? I'm not flirting! And what do you mean '_OUR_ girls'?" asked Bastion.

"_Our's_ as in, mine and Zane's." said Chazz. "What do you think, they actually like you?"

"No...!"

"Yeah, yeah...everyone knows you totally dig Alexis!" said Chazz with a sneer on his face.

"No, I HATE HER LIVING GUTS!" said Bastion.

"Oh, don't worry, I understand!" said Chazz.

"No, really, I hate her! She thinks she's all that and she acts like a total terd!" said Bastion.

"Bastion don't say 'total', your accent makes it sounds weird!" said Chazz.

"So, what! You're accent makes you sound like a hick!" said Bastion.

"Speak up, Bastion, I didn't quite catch that! Did you say Crowler is a hot chick?" asked Chazz he began laughing.

"Grrr!"

"Retard...," mummbled Chazz.

"You know one of these days, I'm gonna duel you and you're going to be sorry!" said Bastion.

"Tch...I wouldn't wanna win, go ahead, have all the glory and the flirting rights." said Chazz with a laugh.

"I"M NOT FLIRTING!" Bastion exclaimed and slammed his fist on on Chazz's desk. The teacher stopped talking and everyone turned to face Bastion, whose hand had crushed Chazz's hand. Zane pointed his finger at Bastion. Chazz had screwed up his face as if he were suffering a great deal of pain.

"Mr. Misawa! Did you just attempt to beat up a first year student?" asked the Math teacher.

"He's said...I didn't mean to...!" Bastion tried to defend himself.

"Oh, sure that's what all the bullies say! Now please make your way to Chancellor Shepard's office, please." said the Math teacher.

"Chancellor She...no! It's not my fault, Chazz called me a flirt!" said Bastion.

"Is that a problem?" asked the Math teacher.

"YES IT'S A BIG PROBLEM!"

"Are you calling Chazz a lier?" she asked. "Now, that's not something I expect out of you!" The bell rang and everyone was awakened from their slumber. "Now's a good time to be on you're way to Shepard's office."

Bastion mummbled something to Chazz and stomped out of the classroom followed by the other kids.

"HOLD IT!" the teacher exclaimed. "In honor of Mr. Misawa's little side-show, I am giving everyone extra homework! Pages 400-517, all problems, re-write the problem and show your work, and oh, yeah, it's a test grade so do your best!" She gave a sarcastic cheery wave at them as they were dismissed.

Zane examined his drawing of Elrond which was so good it looked like a black and white photograph. "Dude..." was all Chumley could say.

"Gee, that's a lot of homework." said Jaden. "Oh, well, I'll just draw a bunch of doodels down when I get to the dorm and at least I'll make a 40 for turning it in on time!"

"Hey, I do that all the time!" said Syrus and they skipped on to their second period class.

"So what did Bastion say to you?" asked Chazz to Alexis.

"You don't wanna know...,"

"Come on!" begged Chazz.

"Okay..," Alexis whispered it into Chazz's ear. The boy burst out laughing.

"Ooooh! That is sooo nasty!" he said laughing so hard he began to sweat.

"What's so funny?" demanded Zane.

"Do you really wanna know?"

_If you really wanna find out what Bastion says, then don't ask me, because I don't care! It's so retarded._


	6. The Innocense of Pom Pon Balls

Ah, second period...just as boring as the first only you're less motivated to cooperate. But the FUN lies in the innocent little text book and multicolored pom pon balls... (this chapter is just plain retarded). 

**SCIENCE**

"Alright class, this first quarter we wil be learning about cells!" said the science teacher. "Now, who can tell me what cells are?"

Jaden waved his hand in the air. "That thing you put the bad guys in!" the class rolled their eyes.

"Nope, how about you, Mr. Huffington?" she asked again.

Chumley clearly had no idea what question he was answering so he just sat there a while with drool dripping off his chin.

"Good guess, Chumley, now Mr. Truesdale will you help him out?" asked the teacher.

"Which one?" asked Zane and Syrus at the same time.

"The dumbest one."

"Oooh! Pick me! Pick me!" cried Syrus.

"Yes, Mr. Truesdale?"

"Uhhh it's...it's...uh...well, I know it! Don't tell me! It's the...GPS coordinance...of the...,"

"Of what?"

"The GPS coordinance of the...the...Marriana Trench...cells are the GPS coordinance of the Merriana Trench!" Syrus said. The class exploded with laughter.

"Yeah, what he said." said Chumley.

"Wow, Syrus! That's a very constructive and very abstract solution but...YOU'RE WRONG!" she sighed and turned to Zane."Will the other Mr. Truesdale answer?" she asked.

"A cell is the building blocks of all living organisms...?" asked Zane hestitanly.

"Praise God! You've got it right on target!" said the science teacher. "Now class, today, we are going to explore, cells and just in time for your projects!" She brought down a projector screen and flipped the lights off. "You will now watch a short video on cells!"

"Hoooray?" the class cheered half-heartedly with a bit of curiosity.

"Oh, boy!" Chazz sniggered. "It's a Bill Nye!"

"Oohh! Bastion is gonna want to see this one!" whispered Zane.

The video came on and started with that embarrasing theme song. The students looked digusted as the video began to play. Finally that guy named Billy Nye came on and began this elementary speech about cells. (Which was a total Y-A-W-N) Everytime he mentioned the word "cytoplasm" Chazz and Zane would burst out laughing. But the most stupidest and bizarre part was a little clip called Johnny the One Cell Boy.

"_Iiiiiiiit's JOHNNY ! The one cell boy_!" was the little song and it showed a few scenes of Johnny which looked like a boy's face enlarged by microscope and little goey texture to make it look like a cell. The clips came on television screen in the middle of someone's house( in the clip), a little boy was watching it while his mother was sewing and his father was reading a newspaper.

"Mom?" the boy asked in his nasily voice "Is there such thing a a one cell booooy?"

"I wish I was a one celled boy!" asked the boy.

"I'm afriad not, son, you can't be a one-celled boy." said his mother.

(She gave all these weird, scientific words that explained why there is no such thing as a one-celled boy ).

"Dad, is it...true?" asked the boy.

"I'm afraid so." said his father.

"No! Tell me it's not true! No, No! No! No! I wanna be a one-celled boy! No! NOOO! NOOO! NOOO!" the boy continued dramatically denying it. (Isn't that the most saddest thing you've seen? Sad as in pathetic)

However this clip is hard to describe, you must see it to really know how STUPID it was! It continued with more boring explanations about the function of cells. And finally, it ended! Zane and Chazz were about to puke with laughter. Junko was sitting at the same group with them (in science you had four desks each grouped together instead of desks in rows).

"Gosh, Chazz it's not that funny!" said Junko rolling her eyes. Chazz and Zane tried to contain the laughter but they couldn't and guffawed loudly. Everything got really quiet.

"_Okaaay_...now class, hopefully you took notes, which most of you didn't on the organelles of the cell, so I'm going to give a Pop _Project_!" she said. The class moaned. "Don't worry I'll give you all the supplies, you just have to make a larger scale version of the cell and your book has a diagram to help you. Enjoy!"

The teacher began to place different material. On Zane, Chazz, and Junko's desk she placed raw spagetti, play-dough, beads, and a package on pom-pon balls (all this is very important). Zane and Chazz examined the styrofoam ball (which was to be their cell) and leaned back in their seat.

"Okay," Junko said, "So we need to look in our book and find out how we are going to do all these cells, first of all, the cytoplasm should be...," Chazz sniggered when she said the word.

"Oh, shut up!" she said. "So, we could borrow some paint from Jaden's table and make the cytoplasm."

"How about this be the cytoplasm!" said Zane holding up one of the raw spagetti noodles.

"No...how about...we look for the other organelles first...the lysosome can be on of those pink pom pon balls!" said Junko, "Chazz, open it!"

Chazz struggled to open the bag and then finally when he did, fluffy little balls flew across the table. "Nice...," Zane said.

"Behold! It's the cytoplasm!" said Chazz holding up the tiny yellow pom pon ball (you know in an asortment package there are some very big and some very small). Chazz put the pom pon ball sloppily on the strofoam ball. Meanwhile, Zane was carefully observing the pom pon balls.

"Wow," Zane said. "Pretty cool...,"

"Hey, look, it's Johnny the One-Cell Boy!" cried Chazz holding up a tiny orange one.

"Mom, is there such thing as a one-cell boy?" Zane imitated the boy's accent that was on that rediculous show. "I can't believe, I, a third year, watched Bill Nye!"

"I still watch that show!" said a random voice.

"Ryan, grow up!" said Zane.

"Hey does anyone watch Inu-Yasha?" asked the random person.

"What the CRAP is that?" demanded Chazz.

"Oh, I know that show!" said Zane.

"Yeah, right..." asked Chazz.

"It's about this girl who finds this dog-demon and she hates it and wants to shoot it but the dog-demon saves her from this psyco cow and then she doesn't wanna shoot it anymore and then it gets bit by this wolf and get's rabies and then she ends up shootin' it anyway in the forehead with a twelve gauge shot gun... " said Zane.

"Zane, you're all messed up." said Chazz.

"What?" said Zane.

"Inu-Yasha does not save a girl from a psyco cow and even if there was a girl she doesn't hate him or want to shoot him and he doesn't get bit by a rabid wolf and WHY would a GIRL shoot someone in the head with a shot gun and how does she even get a twelve gauge shot gun!" said Chazz.

"I thought you said you didn't know what it was." said Zane.

"No, I just wanted to see what you would say and can I ask you something else?" Chazz asked.

"What?" Zane demanded.

"Where in the WORLD did you come up with such a twisted story?"

"Oh, from this manga comic! It's totally PIMP!" said Zane showing a novel to Chazz.

"Zane, you're a retard." said Chazz.

"Why?"

"This isn't manga! This is a book and this is not Inu-Yasha!" said Chazz.

"What else could it be?" asked Zane.

"It's A BOOK YOU INSANE PARASITIC FLAGELLUM!" Chazz threw the copy of Old Yeller at Zane's head. Zane cried out in pain and everything got really quiet.

"Okay, everything got really quiet." said Alexis. The class shrugged and continued their activity.

"Hey, I love these pom pon balls, I can just buy a pack of these and never get tired of them!" said Chazz.

"You can buy them at Wal-amrt for $1 a pack!" said a random person.

"Awsome! I'm goin' as soon as I get out of school." said Zane.

"Oh great!" Junko sighed and rolled her eyes. "Help me, Alexis!"

"I'm going to name this one Pinkie, this one Blue, and this one Fredrico, and this one Bartholomew!" said Zane.

"This one's Brownie!" said Chazz. holding up a small brown ball.

"Brownie looks like a goat turd." said Zane. Syrus snorted from across the room.

"Yeah, and Blackie looks like a decaying goat turd!" said Chazz. He threw it at Zane's head.

"Hey stop!" Zane laughed, throwing Johnny at Chazz.

"Tis Johnny!" exclaimed Chazz. He picked up Johnny and Blue in both his hands. "Now I shall fuse them together to form the METAMORPHASIS!"

Zane burst out laughing. "Hey, speaking up fusing? What did you make on your dorm sorter test?" he asked.

"99.9." said Chazz. "And you?"

"Same, I saw Jaden and Syrus' paper, they got like a 26 or something." said Zane.

"How can you fail dueling school? It's not the Rocket Scientist Institute of Southern Alabama!" said Chazz. "All you gotta do is know how and be able to spell your name!"

"I don't think Syrus got even that right, the biggest book he's ever read was Dick and Jane for Infants." said Zane.

"Tch...your brother is way messed up." said Chazz.

"You think everyone is messed up." Zane said.

"Your mama's kinda messed up!" said Junko.

"You never knowm, it may be true." said Chazz.

"Man, this is so boring!" Zane announced. "Why can't we just draw the freakin' thing?" Zane shut the book that Junko was using to look at her cell.

"Hey, open that back up! I'm workin' on a project here!" said Junko.

"Sure, sure...hey, what's in this book anyway?" Zane whistled and flipped through the pages. Suddenly his whistling ceased and he shut the book.

"What?"

"Oh, boy you don't wanna know..," said Zane.

"Come on!" Chazz begged.

"Don't look on page 415!" said Zane. "You'll never feel like real man again." Chazz, of course everytime you tell someone not to look at something they will look at it, opened to that very page.

"HOLY SMOKE!" exclaimed Chazz slamming the book shut.

"Shut up!" Zane hissed.

"The guys are going to love this!" said Chazz sniggered.

"What is it?" asked Junko. Chazz showed Junko the picture. "Ugh! That's nasty dude!"

"Let me see it again!" said Zane. Chazz turned to the exact page. It was explaining the...human reproduction thingy...and showing very detailed diagrams of the different...parts...of a male and female. (this isn't a big deal to you but as you can guess, they were in awe over this wonder, that their parents had only TALKED about). Zane looked at the picture and snorted loudly. "I'm going to see if there are more picture in here!" said Zane.

"Zane, your as perverted at your brother's boyfriend!" joked Chazz.

"Hey look! Intestines!" exclaimed Zane.

"Intestines?" asked Chazz. "Oh, let me see! I love intestines!"

"And the pancreas!" cried Zane. "I totally love thec pancreas!" Zane and Chazz began staring at the book. And then Zane tunred back to the...erm...page 415.

"Oh, I gotta show Syrus this, he'd flip!" said Zane.

"Or Bastion, but he's in Crowler's class for second period." said Chazz.

"You better not let Crowler see that!" said Junko with a laugh. Chazz and zane began sniggering until their faces were as red as a tomatoe.

"I can't wait to see the Bill Nye about this one!" said Chazz.

"Oh, man!" Zane burst out laughing. His laugh is very foreign to most students (on account that Zane doesn't laugh very often) and it made everything get really quiet.

"Okay, everything just got really quiet!" said Alexis.

"Do you keep having to acknowledge that?" demanded Jaden.

"Shut up Jaden! " said Alexis

"Why should I?" asked Jaden.

"Because you're retarded!" Alexis said flicking Jaden in the head. Jaden sighed dreamily and sank into his chair.

I'll never wash this forehead again. he thought. (Now we know that rumors about Jaden being gay are not true! Unless Jaden is a girl but that is a different story. P.S. I'm no Judai fan!)

"Psst...Sy' don't look on page 415." whispered Zane into his brother's ear.

"Okay, I won't. Hey Jaden let's check out page 415!" said Syrus. Zane slapped his own forehead.

"Why does that always happen?"

"Because Slifers are retarded perverts." said Chazz.

"You like intestines!" said Zane.

"Hey, I'm not the one wantin' to stare at a grown man's balls!" yelled Chazz. Luckily nothing got quiet and his comment went unheard.

"Chazz you're a turd!" said Zane shoving Chazz.

"Your mama's a turd!" said Chazz.

"Do you know how stupid that sounds?" asked Zane.

"Yeah, saying I'm a turd is really stupid!" said Chazz.

"HEY LOOK EVERYBODY!" exclaimed Jaden showing the forbidden page to everyone in the class.

"JADEN, JADEN! PUT THE BOOK DOWN!" Jaden's entire table commanded.

"I hate Syrus!" Zane exclaimed.

_to be contiued..._


	7. A Stupid Chapter

_After second period at Duel Academy, you go directly to free period which is sorta like rescess only not as fun. You have to read a book or study, or lay your head down on your desk and sleep. There was no conversation or anything. It was just boredom. Well put a sleeping teacher, two pysco Slifers, a bunch of Obelisks, and stupid Ra Yellows that insult eachother's mothers than things don't go as planned._

"Ugh Syrus! Don't do that!" Zane said as his younger brother embraced him in a hug.

"I love you Zane!" cried Syrus.

"I do too!" said Jaden shoving Syrus away and giving Zane a hug.

"GET OFF OF ME!" screamed Zane literally picked up Jaden. The Slifer screamed like a girl and Zane threw him on the floor.

"Hey how come you let Syrus hug you?" asked Jaden.

"Because he's my BROTHER!" said Zane. "Does that make sense."

"No." said Jaden.

Zane rolled his eyes and angrily pulled out his chair and sat in his seat. "One day, I'm gonna duel that Jaden and kick his Slifer you-know-what, then I'm gonna punch him in the head!"

"I've thought the same." said Chazz. "Dr. Crowler has actually arranged for me to duel him today."

"Your going to accept?" asked Zane.

"I wish I wasn't going to," said Chazz. "But, I hate Crowler so I'm just gonna lose."

"ARE YOU ON CRACK! You'll be know as Chazz Retard-san if you lose to Jaden Yuki!" said Zane.

"Zane, you probably love Crowler enough to actaully do something like that would you?" asked Chazz.

"I don't love Crowler! said Zane. "My name is Zane! Not INSANE!"

"Well, you know, Dr. Crowler is pretty freaky." said Chazz.

"What do you mean?"

"You must have some mental problem Zane! It's so freakin' obvious! Crowler has a crush on me! It's plain as day! And it's SICK! I have a gay pervert for my head of dorm! What will my brothers think? You see how he always tries to get close to me! I'm going to leave this school one of these days." Chazz said.

"So your loosing because you wanna leave?" asked Zane.

"Of course! I hate this school! I hate the teachers and I hate my dorm, I hate YOU, and most of all, I hate Jaden Yuki!" said Chazz.

"You hate me? I thought we were buds!" said Zane looking offended.

"You know what I mean. By 'hating' you I mean I don't have a romantic relationship with you." said Chazz.

"So you really don't hate me you just...,"

"Oh yeah, I hate you alright. But my plot to leave this school is perfect! I'll go to Military School and follow my dreams of becoming a gangsta! Sure my big bro's will hate me but, hey, I hate them too, so we're even." said Chazz.

"_Hunky dory...,"_ said Zane.

"I'm already workin' on my gangsta catch phrase, and I have the perfect idea!" said Chazz.

"What?"

"I'm workin' on it!" Chazz snapped.

"Okay, sorry!" Zane said.

Boredom was threatening the vital coating of peacefullness in the atmosphere. Chazz had the great urge to sing and since no one really cared about his genuine Akon-ish voice than his brothers picked on him for, he just decided to sing anyway. "Somebody once told me, the world was gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed...,"

"OLD SONG!" the class said in unison.

"Fine then...somebody once told me, that Bastion was a pony and his blazer was the color of pee...," Chazz sang.

"You better shut your pie hole!" growled Bastion.

"Sheesh...big meanie...I'm steady tryin' find a motive, why do what I do? Freedom aint gettin no closer, no matter how far I go, My car is stolen, no registration. Cops partolin', and now they done stop me and I get locked up...they won't let me out, they won't...,"

"ANCIENT!" yelled the class.

Chazz tried again. "IF OUR...um...whatever...DON'T DANCE WE JUST PULL UP OUR PAAAANTS, AND DO THE ROCK-A-WAY, NOW LEAN BACK...,"

"STILL OLD!"

"What do you want me to sing!" demanded Chazz.

"Something that is not old." said Jaden.

"How do you know what is old Jaden?" asked Alexis. "You still think Elvis Presley is alive!"

"He's not?" asked the Slifers in unison.

"Grr...okay...you...hmm...what song begins with you? Uh...you...know...you know...you know something. What was the name of that song? It's was on my tongue...stupid Bastion...you know...oh I'll think of it later." Chazz said.

"Well think of something else fast!" demanded Chumley, "I haven't listened to radio in like, not yesterday!"

Chazz sighed. "Alright...I Hey, I'm happy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag, I'm usless but not for long, The future is coming on. Hey, I'm happy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag, I'm usless but not for long, The future is coming on, It's coming on, it's coming on..."

_...soak up the weirdness kids..._


	8. Everything But Alchemy

_Professor Banner you might think is very nice and sweet. He also has a cat named Pharoah who he lugs around like a plush toy. But in general he's a whole different man then from what you've seen on T.V...or on janime.info...or what your mama told you...or...everyone knows what "do" means right...?_

The bell rang again. Chazz groaned, still murmuring "Locked Up".

"Chazz do you know what we have next?" asked Alexis.

"Banner...," said Chazz. "I bet he'll make us sing the ABC's and make us play Duck, Duck, Goose."

"You gotta point there." she said.

"This is a total waste of my life!" said Zane. "I could be...hmm...beating up Jaden by now, or giving Syrus an ultra, supersonic, nuclear wedgie."

"He destroyed everything in the whole underwear drawer...the _WHOLE UNDERWEAR DRAWER!_" Syrus said mounrfully and messaging his butt.

"_Heeeey..._Alexis...," Jaden purred. "Wanna..."do"uel with me after third period?"

"YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND "DO"UEL YOUR MAMA!" said Alexis with disgust.

"Pervert...," Syrus coughed in his shirt sleeve.

"Are you okay Syrus?" asked Jaden. "You have an awful cough, it sounds like your accusing me of being a pervert. But I don't even know what that is...,"

Chazz snorted loudly.

"...but, your my best friend, so even if it was something bad, you wouldn't say it, right? BEST BUDDY in the world?" Jaden put his arm around Syrus.

"Yeah...best buds...great...," Syrus nodded, yet his mind was screaming. "_OH MY GOD! HE ACTUALLY THINKS I'M HIS FRIEND!"_

Banner's class room had the faint smell of that scented stuff you can get for your cat litter box you can get at K-Mart with a mixture of Clorox. When the students walked in they could hear rap music playing and there was professor Banner, singing along...

"_Lil' mama show me how you move it go ahead put yo back into it Do ya thang like there aint nothin to it Shake.. sh..sh..shake that...Aaa_aas I WAS SAYING...welcome to class...erm..kids...heh, heh...," Banner quickly turned off the music and sat at his desk with a cheesy smile on his face.

The students were afraid to move and they stared at him. Then they cautiously walked into the classroom, "That was weird...,"

"Alright, SIT DOWN! Must I define each sylable? There are desks you know!" said Banner slamming the door and knocking over a jar of mayonaise.

"Professor Banner, may I...," Alexis wanted to ask.

"INCORRECT!" Banner yelled slamming his fist on her desk. "Now I hope you did your homework last night!"

"But, Professor, it's just the first day, you never assigned us any homewor...," Chazz said.

"THEN YOU GET A 50!" said Banner.

"Sorry, Sir." said Chazz.

"Well, this is Alchemy class as you all know, and...," Banner said.

"I watch _Full Metal Alchemist_!" exclaimed a random voice.

"I'm sure you have Ryan...now who can tell me what it is?" There was an awkward silence, the entire class stared at Banner with their mouths agape and drool dripping down their chins like little kindergarteners listening to a storybook being read to them.

"Okay, let's move on now, THIS is your Alchemy textbooks!" Banner held up a book to the whole class.

"IT'S SEXY!" exclaimed Zane pointing to the book.

"Well...I don't think I'd use that adjective to decsribe a book...but...HOLY (_censored)_!" Banner exclaimed as he realized that the book he really was holding was a _Play Boy_ magazine with a realistic (not cartoon) picture of a...well...you know what a _Play Boy_ is! Blushing, Lyman took out another book.

"Sorry, about that...,"

"NO NO IT'S OKAY!" the boys exclaimed, "We like the old one!"

Professor Banner said something under his breath and then displayed to the class the Alchemy textbook. "What Syrus?" he asked, acknowleging, Syrus' raised hand.

"Professor Banner, why was there a random bleeping sound in the background after you said 'holy'?" asked Syrus.

"Because, Mr. Truesdale, I said a word that was not approriate and since this is children's television show being aired in America, the programmers blocked it out, now if we were in Japan..." but Banner was cut off when there was a knock at the door. He sighed and walked to the door and there stood Chancellor Shepard.

"Well, hello Lyman! I thought I heard someone yelling. Is everything alright?" he asked.

"Oh yes, we are just mine. These students are learning so much...no, no, there's certainly no problem at all!" Banner said putting on his fake smile that you usually see him wearing.

"Okay! I have to confront one of our new students, Blaire, he "shot the birdie" at Crowler. See ya later!"

"Good-bye Chancellor! Remember, Jesus loves you!" Banner said cheerfully as Shepard left.

"Professor Banner, what's shot the birdie mean?" asked Syrus again.

"Nothing, Syrus, you can ask your brother later." said Banner. "Now continuing with the introduction to our textbook, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..." his voice faded with a bunch of "blah's" as Syrus and Zane began their conversation.

"So what is it Zane?" whispered Syrus.

"Something you shouldn't know!" said Zane flicking Syrus in the head.

"Please tell me!" Syrus begged.

"Shut up!" Zane hissed. Banner's voice was still going "blah, blah, blah..."

"Tell me what it is! Please or I'll show everyone the forbidden page!" Syrus threatened slowly removing his science book from his backpack.

"You better not or I'll have my Cyber End Dragon slice you up until the contents of your abdomen are spewing on the floor!" said Zane clenching his fist.

"Come oooon!" Syrus said. "Or I'll start crying!" He began to screw up his face and whimpering.

"Ask Chazz, he's the smart one, I'm just the King." said Zane jabbing his finger in Chazz's direction.

"Hey Chazz, what does it mean to "shoot the birdie?" asked Syrus.

"Why would you ask me that? Do I look like Zane to you?" asked Chazz.

"No, but my mom says your cute." said Syrus.

"Oookaaay...,"

"Just tell me!"

"Why?"

"Cuz, Zane says so."

"And is Zane the boss of me?"

"No, but he's the king." said Syrus.

"Okay, holding up your hand." said Chazz. Syrus did so. "Now put all your fingers down except the middle one."

"Like this!" Syrus said loudly.

"Sssh!" Zane hissed.

"You've got it, Syrus, now keep it in that postition for right now." said Chazz he chuckled evily. Chazz quickly raised his hand. "PROFESSOR! PROFESSOR! SYRUS DID 'THE FINGER' AT ME!" The blah's ceased immediatly.

"Syrus!" Professor Banner exclaimed.

"What? What? What did I do? What did I do?" Syrus asked.

"Here we go...," said Chumley.

"Syrus! Since I'm too lazy to take you to the Chacellor's office now, I'm going to threaten you with 16 hours of detention!" said Banner.

"I didn't know Chazz was a birdie!" Syrus sobbed.

"JUST SHUT UP!" Banner and the rest of the class demanded.

After class...

Syrus was walking out of the classroom, softly sobbing. "I hate your living guts Zane!"

"What did I do?" demanded Zane.

"Cuz'..." said Syrus. "I wouldn't have asked Chazz if it weren't for you!"

"Oh so it was MY fault that YOU asked Chazz what it was?" asked Zane.

"Yeah! That's what I'm saying!" Syrus said angrily wiping tears away.

"Well don't CRY about it! You look like a wimpy baby!" said Syrus.

"I AM NOT!" said Syrus.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"STOP SAYING FINE!"

"Fine!" Zane said. "What is UP with you? Are you on crack or something?"

"What's crack?" asked Syrus.

"Go ask Chazz!" Zane yelled and walked away grumbling.

"Okey dokey!" Syrus said.


	9. The Worst Day of Zane's Life

_Ah! A week has gone by! You see some semi-happy kids minding their own business going to a fancy boarding school. But I see some kids with major gender-distinction difficulties and addictions to military related themes trapped in a nightmare of doom. Well this week things have changed a little. Homework is building up and already people have to do 800 word essays every night. Okay, let's see what's been happening at the Obelisk Dorm_. 

Zane woke up to the blaring of his alarm clock again. Today the song "Pump It" woke everyone up in the Obelisk dorm. (He still didn't get that alarm fixed and for some odd reason he was prohibited to throw it away). He carefully reached for the volume dial. It was stuck again. So he tried the next option, throwing it at the wall. It worked this time. He already had holes in the wall for his failed attempts to turn it off. Zane got dressed and walked into the common room. Chazz wasn't there like usual to give him a sermon on how his intellect was superior over Zane's.

He decided to go talk to one of his dumb friends. Instead of giving a friendly greeting and asking politely he grabbed one of them and thrust them against the wall. "What did you do with Chazz?" Zane demanded.

"Gee, no need to be so mean." said the guy. His dialect was a million times pronounced then Chazz's. "Is this the part when you beat me up?"

"No, I just want you to tell me!" Zane said. "Or I'll disembowel you and vomit upon your grave!"

"Uh...he's sick." said the guy.

"Sick, eh?" asked Zane. "Chazz ususally doesn't miss class for a cold."

"What are his symptoms?" asked Zane pinning Chazz's friend to the wall.

"I don't know all these big words!" he cried. "Go ask Alexis, she's the smart woman! Please Zane I'm not ready for the Dear Lord to take me!"

"I don't think He'd take you anyway, so, where's this...woman?" he asked.

"Beats me, I guess still at the breakfast bar." said he.

"Thanks, Weird-Friend-of-Chazz." said Zane. He put the boy down and said one more thing. "I'm still kickin' your butt!"

Zane went to the breakfast bar and saw Alexis apparently having an argument with one of her friends.

"Zane, SO, hates your guts!" Jasmine (I think her english dub isn't that retarded) snapped at Alexis.

"Jasmine! You know he totally digs me!" said Alexis.

"He like practically puked when he saw your ugly mug!" Jasmine said.

"Oh, really! Maybe because your butt was in the way!" said Alexis.

"You know maybe if you'd have taken that mirror away from your face, it wouldn't have... looked so much like... that!" said Jasmine. "OH YEAH!"

"Retard!" Alexis rolled her eyes.

"Your just saying that because you can't think of a better come back!"

"Your just saying that because you know it was a good come back!" They glared at each other for a moment. An anime sweat drop ran down the back of Zane's head. Maybe this was a bad time for asking her something. Jasmine scoffed and stomped off.

"Yo' Alexis...,"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT YA' STUPID HEIFER!" Alexis demanded. "Oh, Zane, how ya' doin? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Uh...I wanted to ask you where Chazz was." Zane said. "Is it true that he's really sick?"

"DUH! Didn't you hear about it last night?" Alexis said looking at Zane as if he were insane.

"Um! No, I was VERY asleep last night so I kinda DIDN'T know." Zane said.

"Tch...okay, Chazz was up all night puking his guts out." said Alexis. "Couldn't you didn't hear the chunks of vomit falling in the toilet?"

"Gee, I'm just askin...," Zane said backing off slowly and holding his hands up defensively.

"Whatever!" Alexis said. Zane turned to walk away but she stopped him. "Oh, yeahm Zane, by any chance do you have a crush on Jasmine?" asked Alexis.

"Erm...no," Zane said.

"Good, cuz if you did, I would've punched the SNOT out of you!" said Alexis glaring hard at Zane, then she grinned brightly. "Okay, just checking! You had that anime sweat drop and I was wandering if you were hiding anything." Zane rubbed the sweat drop away frantically.

"Nope, no sweat drop here!" he dismissed himself and then hurried towards his first period class.

**Second Period**

"Hey Syrus!" Zane flicked his brother in the back of the head.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!" Syrus exclaimed shattering the silence as the class was busily working on their projects.

"Gee, everyone's being mean today!" Zane said.

"You're the one who is mean!" said Syrus.

"Don't talk like that, it makes you sound like a girl!" Zane snapped.

"See! You're always so mean!" Syrus said.

"That wasn't being mean, that was constuctive criticizm!" Zane said. They glared at each other and there was a very embarrasing aura around the room. Like that feeling you get when you see two toddlers in a day care center fighting over something so stupid it makes you wanna strangle them.

"Zane, don't be retarded, your embarassing me." said Alexis.

"How about you shut up, Alexis!" Bastion hissed.

"I'm not the one acting like a retard over here!" Alexis said.

"You know, I understand if you really like him that much!" said Bastion.

"Who said I was talking about Zane, you moran!" Alexis said. Bastion opened his mouth to say something. Alexis gave one of those girly-girly smirks when someone thinks they're better than you and it makes you wanna not only strangle them, but to inflict extreme bodily harm unto them. "Can't think of anything can you? This day just gets better and better!" She gave one of those girly-girly giggles that makes you wanna punch her lights out.

Bastion snarled. "Your going to get it! I'm going to make sure you never see another day again!"

"Bastion, come on! You have the lamest comebacks!" Demetri (I was in a Eng-dubby mood today) said.

"That's because you copied all your comebacks from other duelists!" said Bastion.

"I'll have you know, Yuki Sohma is not a DUELIST, Einstein!" said Demetri.

"And I'll have you know, my name's not 'Einstein', Sherlock Holmes!" Bastion said.

"See your acting retarded again!" said Zane.

"Hey that was my line!" said Alexis.

"Stop stealing people's lines, Zane! You're being mean!" Syrus said.

"I'm not being mean! You son of a bleep!" cried Zane. Everyone looked at Zane.

"What is the heck is a 'son of a bleep'?" asked Alexis.

"Well, when Banner said a bad word I would hear this bleeping sound!" Zane said.

"NO WAY, ZANE!" Alexis cried. "It wasn't like, I was in the SAME ALCHEMY CLASS AS YOU!"

"I'm not finished, you bleep!" said Zane.

"What are you doing?" Alexis demanded.

Zane was sweating with frustration. "I say 'bleep' because that's the sound it makes!"

"Oooh I get it!" Syrus said. "For once, I've actually understood something!"

"Yee haw...erm...okay, Zane we'll think if that word is authorized to fit in the urban dictionary." said Alexis. "But for right now, it's considered a retarded word! Now, let us all point and laugh at Zane: King of the Retards!" Everyone in the class does so.

Sometime after dinner...

"Oh, Zane!" Dr. Crowler called. Zane dragged his feet over to his teacher.

"What, Sir?" asked Zane with a sigh.

"Chazz had some homework to make up since he was out today, and since you're not going to be in this next episode, I didn't think you'd mind hauling these books up to his room. Oh by the way, he's in the spare room, not in his own room. So bye!" Dr. Crowler heaved a stack of hard-backed text books into Zane's arms and walked away.

Zane growled and before he could throw out his back, he made it to the spare Obelisk room. He opened the door with his pinkies and walked in. Chazz was sitting on the bed watching "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" Zane slammed the books on the bed.

"Ouch, Zane go do your freakin' homework in your own room!" Chazz said.

"Dr. Crowler said I had to bring them here, it's YOUR homework!" Zane growled.

"Oh, you could've just knocked I'm not that sick you know." said Chazz.

"Hunky dory...," said Zane. "So why are you in here if your not that sick?"

"You know why, Zane!" Chazz snapped.

"Actually I don't." said Zane.

"Well, as I thought you might know, I puked my guts out last night and it happened to be before I could get to the bathroom, so it was on my floor. Well , I puked so much, the bile was beginning to make the carpet dissinagrate, so while they're remodeling the floor, I'm hanging out in here." said Chazz. "And you didn't know that? Didn't you hear anything last night."

"As I mentioned to Alexis, I was kinda asleep last night, and didn't hear anything!" Zane growled.

Chazz looked at the TV. "PHAHAHAHAHA! You gotta love this show! these guys crack me up!" He noticed that Zane was about to leave.

"Hey wait, Zane! I got a lot of homework here!" Chazz said.

"I kinda know that!" Zane said.

"Well, are you gonna do it or not?" demanded Chazz.

"DO WHAT?" asked Zane, he wanted to strangle that chicken headed freak right now.

"DO MY HOMEWORK, YOU STUPID HEIFER!" Chazz cried.

"No, I am not going to do your homework!" Zane said.

"Them what am I gonna do with all these stupid text books?" Chazz asked, throwing a text book at Zane's head. It missed, but barely.

"You idiot! You do the homework!" Zane said.

Chazz growled and opened one of the books. He murmured curses as he read through the words. Zane tossed the book on Chazz's bed, he noticed a bucket next to Chazz's bed.

"What is in that?" asked Zane.

"Vomit! Ya' mind cleanin' it out for me?" Chazz asked. Zane walked out of the room quickly.

_(sorry this chapter is kinda stupid (are not all of them?), but I've been working on another website and it's keeping me occupied at the moment, so sorry for the delay)_


	10. I Guess You Can Call It A Good Chapter

_Well we get a little crazy at times..._

**Obelisk Dorm**

Since poor Chazz was too sick to be in the next episode you could have guessed it got pretty boring sitting all alone in that room. Since that stupid television in his room didn't have cable, there was ntohing good on when "Whose Line Is It Anyway" except for the Food Channel and since he was sick, it made him nausious watching it. He took out his Nintendo DS that he had got in a goodie bag at Seto Kaiba's daughter's birthday party that summer. He tried playing one of the games. It was the most retarded game he had ever played in his life.

"This game sucks eggs!" said Chazz. He took it out tossing it carelessly into the vomit bucket and fished for another game out of his backpack. "Cool! I've never even played this one before!"

Chazz put the teeeensy little game in the Nintendo and turned on the Power button. It was cool, it even had voice overs and vibrations. Little did he know, the Nintendo had not be recharged in a long time and the red light was blinking. Unaware of this, he continued to play and when he was about to get to the final level the screen turned black.

"Aaaargghh... f I was allowed to curse on this stupid T.V. show, I would!" Chazz said. "Stupid, cheap peice of crap!" Chazz threw the Nintendo DS into the television screen and it shattered. The television made a deafening popping noise and then collapsed. "Just my luck...," Chazz mummbled.

Chazz got up out of his bed. He didn't feel as dizzy and weak as he had been, so he decided to chill in the common room. Maybe that idiot Zane, had left his X-box down there. He walked down the stairs, everyone was gone and he had the entire place to himself. There in the center was a masive television with enormous speakers. Chazz gazed in wonder at the plasma screen. He sat slowly on the couch and grabbed the remote control. He turned it on and a blast of color illuminated the room.

"Welcome back to the Animanga MTV!" the person on the televison spoke. "And the Number 2 song on our Music Countdown is...(drum roll)..."Laffy Taffy" sung by the Mabudachi Trio!"

The music video begins. (You won't think it's funny unless you are familiar with Furuba)

(The song "Laffy Taffy" was originally sung by D4L)

Hatori: I'm lookin' for Mrs. Bubble Gum, I'm Mister Chik-o-stik. I wanna (dun, dun, dunt) OH, cuz you so thick.

Shigure: High skool gurlz call me Jolly Rancher cuz I stay so hard, they can suck me fo' a long time. Oh my god!

Ayame: Gurl dis aint no dance flo, dis a candy sto, and I'm really geeked up, and I got mo dro.

Hatori: I pop, I roll, it's soft, I know. It's da summer time but yo laffy taffy got me froze (oh).

Ayame: Get loose, get low, don't be shy, I'm Faybo? I know you wanna ride, you a star and it shows.

Shigure: Was happenin'? Wassup? Wassup? Let's go, let's go, let's go!

All Three: High skool gurl, shake dat Laffy Taffy, dat Laffy Taffy. Shake dat Laffy Taffy, dat Laffy Taffy. High skool gurl, shake dat Laffy Taffy, dat Laffy Taffy, dat Laffy Taffy... (and the rest goes on).

Chazz watched the television in awe. "Why didn't I think of doing this before?" he asked himself.

"We'll be right back with our Number 2 song, 'Gold Digger' by Sasuke Uchiha!" said the man on the T.V.

"Commercials suck eggs!" Chazz said, only this time he didn't throw anything at the T.V. Then he saw one of his older brothers, Jagger appear.

"Does life suck eggs? Does it seem so pointless that you have an strong urge to commit suicide? Well that's too bad, you'll have to live with it. But you know what you need? A JOB! Come work at Princeton Brothers Inc.! For poor working conditions, low pay, and hard working, back breaking, slavery. It's because we don't care about your life, as long as ours isn't as pointless as yours. Remember our Princeton Brothers Inc motto: I want...I mean...need more money." and the commercial went to one of those Oxi-Clean commercials were that man is yelling at you. Chazz turned it off.

"I hate my brothers." Chazz said. He sighed and went back into the extra room. He lay down on his bed. He leaned over the side and vomited. "This is just perfect." he muttered wiping his mouth. "Oh well, things will be better tommorow, and then I'll be on my way to Military School." But Chazz could not get to sleep. It was so lonely, he hadn't seen anyone for the past 6 hours (oh the horror) and he was dying to punch someone in the face. He could hear the other Obelisk students getting into their rooms and bading each other good night (more like screaming at each other to shut up and go to sleep).

He realized that right next to his room was Dr. Crowler's room. He knew that because he was talking in his sleep about Banner. Chazz wanted to tell him to shut up, but he was too lazy to yell so he decided to sing. "ONE IS THE LONLIEST NUMBER THAT YOU EVER KNEW...TWO IS JUST AS BAD AS ONE BUT IT'S THE LONLIEST NUMBER SINCE THE NUMBER THREE! THREEEEEE IS JUST AS BAD AS TWO BUT IT'S THE LONLIEST NUMBER SINCE THE NUMBER FOUR. FOOOOUR IS JUST AS BAD AS THREE BUT IT'S THE LONLIEST NUMBER SINCE THE NUMBER FIVE. FIIIIVE IS JUST AS BAD AS FOUR BUT IT'S THE LONLIEST NUMBER SINCE THE NUMBER SIX. SIIIIX IS JUST AS BAD AS FIVE BUT IT'S THE LONLIEST NUMBER SINCE THE NUMBER SEVEN. SEEEVEN IS JUST AS BAD AS SIX BUT IT'S THE LONLIEST NUMBER SINCE THE NUMBER EIGHT..." Chazz sand it in the most annoying way he could. He could hear people in other room stirring and telling Chazz to shut up. He was almost afraid they would come in there and beat him up.

Meanwhile Zane could actually hear what was going on this time. "Hunky dory...," he muttered trying to block out the singing with his pillow. Suddenly he heard a banging on his window. Zane shot up and grabbed his alarm clock, slowly he walked towards the door. He opened the window and saw that his brother was standing there.

"Zane can I sleep in your room tonight?" asked Syrus.

"Why would I let you do that?" asked Zane.

"Does that mean I can?" asked Syrus.

"No, you can't! That's insane!" said Zane. "Now go back to your dorm before I wake up Dr. Crowler...no, before I call the cops!" Zane picked up his brother by the collar of his pajamas and was about to throw him off the balcony.

"Wait Zane! I need to sleep in there!" Syrus pleaded.

"Why?" Zane asked.

"Because Jaden is scaring me!" said Syrus. "He sleep walks and that makes him keep trying to get in the same bed with me and he keeps saying in his sleep 'Alexis, your butt is so yummy'. What's worse, Chumley doesn't do a thing about it!"

"Maybe because Chumley IS ASLEEP!" said Zane tightening his grip on Syrus' collar.

"Oh, I get it now! So it's at NIGHT that you sleep! I keep forgetting." said Syrus.

"Oh brother...," Zane rolled his eyes.

"Hey where is that beautiful singing coming from?" asked Syrus.

"That's Chazz, trying to cause hell because he thought it would be fun." said Zane. "I thinking he'll be singing it for a while...,"

"SIXTEEN IS JUST AS BAD AS FIFTEEN BUT IT'S THE LONLIEST NUMBER SINCE THE NUMBER SEVENTEEN...!" Chazz continued to sing.

"Yeah...," Zane said. "So welcome to Obelisk Blue...whatever...," Zane yawned. "Now go to sleep."

"Wow, a nice bed for us to snuggle up in!" Syrus said and he lept onto Zane's bed.

"GET OUT OF MY BED!" Zane roared and threw Syrus on the floor.

"What's the big idea? I can't sleep on the floor!" Syrus protested.

"You'll have to live with it, or else I'll throw you off the balcony!" Zane growled threateningly. Zane got into his bed. "If I stop talking to you, it's because I'm asleep."

"Okay." Syrus said. Zane closed his eyes and was just about to go to sleep when he felt someone repetitively poke his eyes.

"Stop!" Zane said knocking Syrus back with his hand.

"Oh, good, I was just making sure you were asleep!" Syrus said.

"What else would I be doing?" Zane demanded. Syrus shrugged. Zane groaned and tried to go to sleep again. Syrus looked anxiously at his brother's sleeping body.

"Zane?" Syrus whispered. No response. "Zane? Zane? ZANE ZAAAANE! ZAAAAANE!"

"WHAAAT?" Zane exclaimed.

"Oh, I was just making sure you were asleep!" said Syrus. "You were, weren't you?"

"Go to sleep." Zane said.

"But...,"

"GO TO SLEEP!" Zane said. "You, retard!"

"Meany!" Syrus said. Zane sighed and tried to go to sleep again. Once again he was drifting off into a peaceful sleep, dreaming of killing Chazz with his Cyber End Dragon. He could see Chazz's face, that chicken-headed idiot...

"WHAT THE (censored)! SYRUS, WHAT'S YOUR MOTHER (censored) PROBLEM!" Zane exclaimed. Syrus had once again tried to see if Zane was asleep and had ran and leapt into the air landing square onto Zane's body.

"I was just seeing if you were asl...," Syrus was literally lifted up by his night shirt by his older brother and literally thrown out the window and off the balacony. He landed in a patch of poison oak.

Zane gave a satisfied sigh as he once again climbed into his bed. That was the last time he ever opened his window again. Meanwhile...

"SEVENTY NINE IS AS BAD AS SEVENTY EIGHT BUT IT'S THE LONLIEST NUMBER SINCE THE NUMBER SINCE THE NUMBER EIGHTY..," Chazz sang, his voice was growing slightly hoarse, but he realized that the singing was making him feel a lot better.

**Ra Dorm: 3:30 A.M**

"Bastion...WHAT THE FLIP?" Kohara woke suddenly.

"What is your freakin' problem?" asked Bastion. "Syrus what are you doing in here?"

Syrus had made his way to the Ra Yellow dorm. "Umm...hi guys!" he said.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Kohara shoved Syrus on the floor. (He had lept out of the window and jumped onto Kohara's bed, which was right next to the window).

"What do you want? It's 3:00!" Bastion asked.

"It's actually 3:30, BASTION, you think you're so smart but you're not!" Demetri said.

"Shut up!" Kohara said, throwing a shoe at Demetri's head.

"Just tell us what you need, Syrus." Bastion sighed.

"Do you guys have any itch cream?" Syrus asked.


	11. Your Mom

(Sorry for the delay, fellow readers!) 

**Ra Dorm: The Next Morning**

"Syrus! You retard!" was the first words every student in the Ra dorm had woken up to that morning. The Slifer had curled up beside Bastion in his warm bed and had drooled all over him. The poor guy had been so tired, instead of going back to his own dorm, had flopped onto Bastion's bed that night.

"Huh?" Syrus asked, startled by Bastion's voice. "Oh, hi, Bastion. Did you have a nice sleep?"

"Yes I _was_ until you crawled in here, you little fart!" he shoved Syrus onto the floor. Syrus groaned and fell back asleep. He began snoring loudly. Bastion got up his clothes were slightly damp, but he almost threw up when he saw the puddle of saliva that nearly saturated Bastion's pillow case. He stifled a gag.

"What the flip is going on!" demanded Demetri, walking into Bastion's room.

"It's none of your business, Demetri, you're just looking for someone to copy!" said Bastion. He took his pillow and threw it on Demetri's face.

"What is Syrus still doing in here?" asked Demetri as if it were really his business.

"I don't know, but just get him out of here before I make you sleep with that pillow!" Bastion said. Demetri looked around the room for a second.

"Bastion, you think you're so smart when you draw all those fancy little numbers on your wall! But you're not, you're just...just...NOT!" Demetri said and he walked out slamming the door.

"And a good morning to you too!" Bastion said. He threw a shoe at the door. Then he looked down at Syrus' motionless body. "Dang! He looks like a complete moran in his sleep!" Bastion kicked Syrus' head and he got into his uniform and walked out leaving the Slifer, clad in his pajamas and covered in a thin film of slobber on his face. He walked out of the room and headed to the common room for breakfast. After eating cold soggy waffles, he headed to 1st period, his least favorite subject...Math.

**1st Period**

Chazz felt a lot better and had managed to get to Math class that morning, however, as usual he was not looking forward to it. That kind of motivation often led to mischief. Chazz leaned over as the Math teacher was talking and looked at what Zane was doing.

"Hey Zane, why the heck did you try to strangle me this morning?" asked Chazz.

"Because...," Zane growled. "You wouldn't stop singing that stupid song!"

"But Dr. Crowler said I have a beautiful voice!" Chazz said.

"Yo' mama says you have a beautiful voice!" Zane said.

"Shut up! We don't say 'yo mama' any more, we say 'your mom'," Chazz corrected.

"Well I'm so sorry, Mr. Perfect." Zane rolled his eyes.

"It's Princeton, you idiot!" Chazz said. "It's just some dumb 4Kids English dub! It's not that hard to say!" He yelled in Zane's face.

Zane shoved Chazz's face away with his hand. "Go away before I contract your disease!" Chazz sighed boredly and since Syrus wasn't here, he knew there would be no mischief out of any of the Slifers, so he decided to see what stupid stunts Bastion was trying to do.

Bastion was flirting with the girls again. "...you know, she thinks she knows everything but she (the Math teacher) doesn't." he whispered. "She thinks I'm a Second Year! I'm Not! And that neema-toad, Alexis is always saying she's so smart, but she really isn't."

"You gotta point." whispered Mindy. "She thinks she so cool because she thinks Zane likes her." The others agreed (HOORAY WE NOW BASH ALEXIS!)

Jaden decided to be random today in class and very disturbing. "BOOTY! BOOTY! BOOTY! BOOTY! ROCKIN EVERYWHERE ! BOOTY! BOOTY! BOOTY! BOOTY! ROCKIN EVERYWHERE! ROCKIN EVERYWHERE! ROCKIN EVERWHERE! ROCKIN EVERYWHERE!" he sang to Bastion. Everyone except Zane all stared at Jaden for a long time and then continued what they were doing.

"Jaden, where the TARNATIONS did you come up with that!" demanded Chazz.

"It's the theme song from this WEIRD T.V show I was watching! It's called Tutti Frutti Booty!"

"Tutti Frutti Booty?" Chazz rolled his eyes.

"Your mom's booty is tutti frutti." said Zane randomly.

"I think that's what it was called...I'm not sure...but it makes since...," Jaden says. "It's one of those stupid Japanese cartoons where they have those enormous eyes and that weird hair! And all the boys look girly and wimpy looking!"

"Hhmmm...," Chazz nodded.

"Like Whole Metalic Chemistry, .Hack/Loogie, B.M.Angel, and some I can't even pronouce, and even this show called Yu-Gi-Oh! I mean it's so retarded! And could you believe they are actually making a sequal to it! Yu-Gi-Oh GX how stupid could they get?" Jaden asked.

"Gee, I'd hate to be on that show." said Chazz. "Well, now is the time for you to shut your pie hole."

"But I wanted to tell you more about Tufruboo!" said Jaden. Chazz continued to listen to the teacher.

"Your mom!" Chazz said.

"But...,"

"Your mom!"

"Chazz..."

"Your mom!"

"I...,"

"Your mom!"

"need...,"

"Your mom!"

"to...,"

"Your mom!"

"tell...,"

"Your mom!"

"just hold on and let me...,"

"Your mom! Your mom! Your mom! Your mom! Your mom! YOUR MOM!" Chazz exclaimed his rage rising each time he said "Your mom!" The room got really quiet.

"Okay everything just got really quiet in here!" said Alexis.

"Must you always address that?" asked Bastion getting irritated.

"Must you always address that?" Alexis mocked, imitating his British accent. "What do ya' have a problem with that?"

"Yo' mama has a problem with that!" Bastion said.

"Shut your pie hole Bastion Misawa! We don't say 'your mama' anymore we say 'your mom'!" Zane corrected.

"Shut up Zane! No one likes you!" Chazz snapped. Meanwhile the students were oblivious of the teacher sitting there listening to them, but they kept going. Suddenly it got quiet again.

"Okay everything just got really quiet!" Alexis said.

"Darnit woman, shut up!" Bastion slammed his fist on Alexis' desk.

"I hate you! Die and go to Heck!" Alexis exclaimed.

"Mrs. Teacher! Bastion and Alexis are using inappropriate language!" Jaden tattled.

"No he didn't Mr. Yuki, now finish your work!" The teacher said. Chazz farted. Giggles erupted from where the girls were sitting. Chazz wasn't embarrased or anything and merely laughed along with them.

"Mrs. Teacher!" Jaden waved his hand in the air.

"Yes, Mr. Yuki!" the teacher grummbled.

"Chazz farted!" Jaden said.

"That's nice." the teacher rolled her eyes. Chazz farted again. This time the class burst out laughing.

"Mrs. Teacher!" Jaden once again waved his hand in the air.

"WHAT?" the math teacher demanded. "I'm in the middle of a lecture!"

"Chazz farted again!" Jaden said.

"Mr. Yuki...,"

"But it's very distracting!" Jaden said. Everyone was nearly dying with laughter including Chazz, when they heard this. Apparently the teacher had dismissed the idiotic remark for she went on to another subject.

Once again you hath stummbled upon another chapter in which stupidity is predominant over all other aspects of fictional writing. However, if you object to any of this, for example, want to send a reveiw saying I suck or I'm retarded, you are simply a moran who can't accept the real truth.

The following are FYI's

(1) Tutti Frutti Booty Fruits Basket (2)Whole Metalic Chemistry Full Metal Alchemist (3) .Hack/Loogie .Hack/Sign (4) B.M.Angel D.N.Angel


End file.
